Pineapples are not the only fruit

I kind of stopped watching Big Brother and it's various spin offs a few years ago - I just sort of grew away from it really. I always kind of kept an eye on who was on the celebrity version ("CBB") just for voyeurism's sake.

CBB is back now, on Channel 5, and I only half noticed who the cast mates were. Mr Annelle turned the TV onto Channel 5 by accident on Sunday, to discover that Andrew Stone was one of the inmates. Now, "Pineapple Dance Studios", and it's follow up "Louis Spence's Showbusiness" ("LSS") are two of my most recent TV guilty pleasures. As you may be able to tell from my limited entries on here, I like Dance, and my obsession with Pineapple extends to the ownership of two tops, a bag and a following of now ex-receptionist Laura Pye on Twitter. Andrew Stone was one of the featured members of staff on Pineapple and LSS. He is portrayed as a serious wannabe, a self styled "Triple Threat" (genuine 'Industry Speak' for someone who can Dance, Sing and Act) and the front man of the frankly comically mediocre band "Starman". I suspect some editorial bias here - the producers already had "the wacky camp guy" in Louis, and Andrew can't compete with that. So he was portrayed as the seriously delusional ego-maniac instead.

Those people who are granted access to my highly infrequent and often cryptic musings on Facebook, will have been aware that in November, I spent a weekend in London. I wasn't going to waste the opportunity, and on the Thursday evening rocked up at Pineapple intending to participate in Andrew's "R'n'B Jazz" class.

I was greeted by Giles, who also featured in Pineapple and LSS. I managed to maintain my composure and not be a weird fan girl for long enough to engage in conversation about the suitability of the class, pay my door fee, listen to the directions to the changing room and the Studio I needed, and then I was in!

I was early, very early, and so had enough time to change at my leisure in the frankly very nice ladies changing rooms - much nicer than they seem on TV.  The changing rooms were in the basement. The studio I needed was on the 2nd Floor. It is a long way up, and the stairs were very, very steep. I was, to be frank, out of breath by the time I got up to the appointed space. A few minutes later, Andrew arrived. His hair was just plain brown, with none of the highlights the TV audience is so used to. He seemed polite and keen, and a little bit cheeky.

I am used to dance classes of this style, if even very vaguely, but was also well aware that I was out of shape and at the end of three days of intense activity in the day time. The lights went down, the music went up (J Lo's "Dance on the Floor" - I had it in my head for the next 24 hours) and we started sweating. Given Andrew's slight celebrity status, and the relatively good time of the class (6pm) I was surprised that, even allowing for late arrivals, there were only 7 of us plus Andrew. Pineapple works by hiring their rooms to the teachers for the hour of the class - they also publish their hire rates on their website, and assuming that there isn't any discounts for teachers, I suspect he made very little, if anything from this hour.

I was knackered by the end of the warm up, and when we got on to sit-ups (a favoured warm up of some dance teachers), I was ready to sleep the sleep of the just. Andrew by this point was dripping with sweat. The two girls at the front who were obviously class and club regulars were doing just fine keeping up, myself and the other newbies at the back were panting along showing willing. We then moved onto the routine, which was challenging but achievable. It involved some frankly scary floorwork, but we only had to handle that in the last section of the class. We then did the usual showing of the routine - the two regulars were fab, the rest of us were enthusiastic.

And so, what did I think of Andrew? He is very, very good. He knows what he is doing, and the attitude that comes across on TV as cocky, is because he knows he is good, and because he is just absolutely oozing passion for what he does. He is physically very fit, and given that he is 39 now, his stamina and ability to still be carrying on in dance, especially with the intensity he demonstrated here, is very impressive. He wants to show you how to do what he can, and he wants you to know that he loves this, and you should too. He has obviously had some classical dance training, and he actually corrected my technique on a couple of occasions, something which is often lacking in classes of this type. I had an absolutely fabulous time - when I am next in London, I will go to his class again.

Oh, and the "but is he gay?" question. Hmm. On reflection, I don't think he is gay. He's certainly very camp, but then he's been in showbiz for about 20 years, and the insanity of that business does rub off on you eventually. In essence, if you and I didn't spend 8 hours a day engaged in the 9-5, with a commute at either end, we'd probably be as wildly keen about our lives and our daily experiences as Andrew is. We could probably all learn a lot from this - this is how you get to live your life if you haven't had the passion and joy sucked out of your life by the brutality of the mortgage, the school run and the horror of the weekly supermarket shop. "Camp" is different to "Gay", and actually, I don't think he is all that "camp" - as I say, he just obviously loves what he does and exudes that joy and passion in a way that can be, and seemingly frequently is, subject to mis-interpretation.

As I write this, Andrew has just been evicted from the CBB house, to a decidedly mixed reaction. He's taken it quite well, I just hope he doesn't do anything foolish, publicity wise, over the next few days, in response to that.

And at least he'll be able to teach his class at Pineapple tomorrow night!

Strictly - The Post-Mortem

I am glad that Harry won. I would have been fine with Chelsee winning as well, as I think they were both very, very good. I think Chelsee probably had slightly harder routines overall.

I intended to post after every show, but a severe lack of time, and annoyance with the first few weeks results put me off. Edwina should not have been the first to go - Lulu "face like it has been smacked with a lemon" should have gone before her, as should Nancy, who was truly, utterly appalling. And Alex Jones should not have  been far behind them. I have no idea how Alex got as far as she did, she was poor technically for most of the dances and, to be frank, looked like she didn't want to be there until about week 6. I certainly felt that Rory and Dan, who appeared to be really trying, should have been rewarded with more opportunities to improve. Russell Grant went at about the right time - just before the public tired of him, and when they realised that as enthusiastic as he was (and boy, was he enthusiastic), he wasn't actually very good.

The Wembley show appeared to be mostly pointless, other than as an excuse to raise money for Children in Need, or more likely, suggests cynical old me, to act as an extended trailer for the forthcoming SCD Tour. Which, intriguingly, won't feature Ola and James Jordan. There seems to be a suggestion that their respective celebs couldn't make it - you can see that Alex Jones needs to be on The One Show sofa every night, and that Robbie has other fish to fry, but you'd have thought that there would have been something for them to do. The suggestions from stupid people on the Daily Mail forums who haven't read the story properly, is that they wouldn't watch the show if Ola wasn't in it, and even though they have missed the point entirely, I do wonder how much of an impact not including two very popular and technically exceptional celebs is going to have.

So, to sum up, I was pleased with the overall result, but disappointed with the elimination order. There is, I suspect, little that can be done about this, other than that the Judges fix their scores to try to put the useless people in the "danger zone" of the middle of the leader board. And I'm not sure the judges would be prepared to do that. Also, there needs to be less of Bruce's awful, awful jokes, and more of Claudia, who was mostly woefully underused this year, and missed out on the last weekend altogether. Also, a "round up" episode of It Takes Two on the Sunday evening, to interview the runner up and the winner, and show some highlights and back stage stuff, as it always feels so rushed in the final results show.

Overall then, I was happy with my "guilty pleasure" TV this year, but felt a few things could be tweaked. And Charlie Brooks was by far the best dancer, and therefore a worthy winner of the Christmas Special. And, for thelove of all that is holy, could someone give Anton someone who stands a fighting chance next year, he must be wondering who he has offended at the Beeb to get this much of a run of duds.

Strictly Come Dancing - The Launch Show

Honestly - I've currently got a small back log of things either written or to write about. Let's start with a programme that was on the telly some three weeks ago, but which really got into it's stride this weekend: 

Oh goodness, I love “Strictly”. There was a moment in this opening episode when the Pros were all doing their thing, and I just sat on my sofa and wailed “it’s what I want to be doing”. Of course, I’d have to lose at least 4, maybe 5 Stone, gain some dance technique and find an extra day or two in the week. Oh, and if someone could find a way to take care of my mortgage and other bills, that would be helpful. But I digress, Strictly is back, from now to practically Christmas, and if the opener and the celebs this year are anything to go by, it should be a cracker.

Bruce and Tess are back, Bruce newly en-gonged with a long overdue Knighthood, and Tess in the usual god-awful outfit. Seriously, what the heck are the Beeb’s wardrobe department on? Tonight’s attempt was a canary yellow, all in one, floor length trouser suit thing. It managed to be too flow-y at the bottom, and too tight at the top, making the unfortunate Tess’ boobs look like they were being constricted by curious foundation garments and pushed and squeezed in all sorts of weird ways.

In many ways, this episode was something of a con. It was pre-recorded, on I think Wednesday this week, and we won’t get to see the couples dancing for a further three weeks. This was a teaser in many ways, of the treasures to come. And what can we deduce from this early glimpse at the celebs form?

Alex Jones (BBC’s The One Show) appears to have little to no sense of Rhythm. Russell Grant is really, really going for it. Fair play to him. He’s apparently lost ten stone in the last two years, and is doing this to get fit, according to his 24 second interview with Tess up in the crow’s nest. Jason Donovan is working his ass off, and Edwina Currie should not be under-estimated. Lulu has good stage presence (you’d be more surprised if she didn’t), Anita Dobson looks like she’s already having a wail of a time and Robbie Savage looks like he might actually be quite good. Holly Valance appears to have put weight on (but she works in Hollywood?!) All of them are, as ever, claiming to have never done anything like this before. This is plainly nonsense. One of them has had ballet lessons as a kid – a training which, if it was any good, will come in very useful here. Holly Valance has shaken her booty in a number of pop videos, and Jason Donovan – well, what can one say. 

I’ve seen Jason Donovan on the West End Stage in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. He played the Dick van Dyke role – which requires you to dance (recall hazy memories of childhood bank holidays, and the deliberately-one-beat-behind-the-others genius that is “The Old Bamboo” - here's the Dick van Dyke version). Until recently (and he might still be, who knows?) he’s been in the tour of The Sound of Music, playing Captain Trapp, a role that requires ballroom dance ability in a pivotal romantic scene. He’s also recently spent a year playing “Tish” in the West End version of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert. And from what I have seen of that on various late night charity tele-thons, there’s a good dance element to it. In short, the man is a leading Actor currently plying his trade in West End Musicals, and these days, that requires at the very least, movement in time to the rhythm of the music. He may well not win, as this is one of those shows which is all about a “journey” for the eventual victor, but I’ll personally be very disappointed if he doesn’t go quite some way in the competition (yes, OK, the 14 year old me has a massive crush on him – come on, I went to see Chitty Chitty Bang Bang – it wasn’t for the intriguing plot, was it?).

The pros tonight were on top form in a number of routines, including a sort of paso based thing with good use of chairs, and an excellent opening routine to “Born this Way” involving excellent use of canes and top hats. I love a good use of a prop, and that was what was going on here. Let’s hope that the pros don’t take this as an excuse to use weird props inappropriately during the competition dances (let’s try to forget that god awful sing thing that Aliona and Matt used last season). The first dance with the celebs at the end was a bit of a mess, but these things always are at this stage – come the final week re-cap they’ll all at least be in time and approaching being in rhythm – for now it was an acceptable glimpse and the three minutes upon which many of my above observations are based.

Roll on the end of the month and the series proper, I can’t wait, especially as, by my reckoning, it will be coming back fully just as Doctor Who is reaching the thrilling conclusion of Season 6.2.